It’s a Very Vending Machine Christmas as PYMNTS Dispenses Gift Advice

Does unattended retail use Santa’s elves as labor at any point — and, if so, do they get regular candy cane breaks? Don’t laugh. It isn’t widely known, but the movie “Elf” started out as a documentary about conditions at a mystery polar “workshop” cloaked from all detection.

Such are the admittedly dumb thoughts keeping us up late into nights that are longer at this time of year. Sometimes while worrying about Santa’s elves and other mythical beings, one needs a snack, a soft drink, even a small sewing kit. Good thing we have kiosks and vending machines. They don’t know what time it is. They don’t judge.

They “vend” — from the French, meaning “forgot to pick up a phone charger during business hours.”

Our love of unattended retail (UR) is shared by many, so there was rejoicing when on Thursday (Dec. 16), eCommerce platform Wish announced that it’s partnering with Nasdaq, placing a “co-branded vending machine shopping experience at 4 Times Square” in Manhattan.

From Dec. 16 to Dec. 18, passersby and UR devotees can check it out on the corner of Broadway and 43rd Street, right next door to Nasdaq’s New York HQ.

Per an announcement, the moveable store is “packed with ‘22 popular products for 2022’ that can be purchased on the Wish platform,” and “is intended to give New York City residents and visitors an opportunity to shop for their last-minute holiday must-haves. The vending machine will include tech essentials such as motion sensor night lights, portable power banks and LED light-up beanies.” Payments are contactless, and proceeds go to The Robin Hood Relief Fund.

We’re not sure who’s categorizing LED light-up beanies as “last-minute holiday must-haves,” but the whole thing kept us up late, watching “Elf” (again) and wondering if there are 22 must-haves for the payments industry that could be loaded into a vending machine for anytime access.

For those who can’t figure out what to get their mom or their partner, selecting 22 narrowly themed gifts is a bit like having to pay for 22 gifts — painful — but let’s see how we do.

The PYMNTS Wish List

Best to start off with an easy move that might also yield a significant profit. Or not.

We say cryptocurrencies have to be in the mix. Last time we looked, bitcoin was at $46,704. So let’s take out another mortgage or two, buy a bunch of bitcoins and see what happens.

If we get rich, drinks are on us. If the whole thing goes sideways, we’ll disavow this article.

Also on the blockchain tip, we think the Santa’s War NFT game — currently priced at 0.00012 USD — should also be in there … because, you know, Santa and NFTs. It’s a natural.

For real value, we’re adding a streaming video subscription. Our vending machine will contain a QR coupon for a free year of PYMNTS TV, known as “the Netflix of the payments industry.”

Just don’t tell the recipient that PYMNTS TV is already free.

As it’s either a Friday or a Saturday night in pandemic-era New York City, we have a handful of parting gifts, if you will, with which to stock our very own vending machine.

Our remaining gifts will be masks from the great fashion houses — Balenciaga, Chanel, Dior, Gucci — made with the finest materials and HEPA filters money can buy.

For nostalgia, we thought it’d be a nice finishing touch to put an old-school stack of $100 bills into our machine. That’s a $10,000 value, so maybe get a bitcoin first and try paying with that.

Holiday gift vending machines in Times Square. Amazing. Call it a miracle on 43rd Street.